In Atlanta, Georgia a very peculiar battle broils. It has nothing and everything, to do with the heat wave frying everyone’s brains. Mind you, extreme weather has nothing to do with any climate crisis. And, the world is flat. Just saying.

At first glance, It could be assumed all the ruckus revolves around a proposed construction for the “Atlanta Public Safety Training Center” . Public Safety. Training. Sounds great, what’s wrong with that!

As an Original journalists (yes, some of us Are as old as vampires) our agencies offered us Safety Training before tossing us in the field. Duck, dive, don’t get kidnapped, wire the story before the other guy and whoever gets the tequila worm wins. We learned new skills and were very appreciative.

So, why the fuss in Atlanta? Minor things. Like “public” does not actually mean accessible to The Public. It will take park land. Other small details, no worries. Remember, there is no climate crisis in a Flat world. The development proposes eating up mere 85 acres of prime forest city land. Land the public hikes, bikes and generally hugs trees in. The privately funded Atlanta Police Foundation project assures us this private facility will enhance our safety. Maybe. On a safety scale of 1-10, I prefer trees to bullets, but then my world is not Flat.

In a show of public opposition to incoming tractors, climate activists have been camping out in the trees. It’s hard work being a Tree Hugger. Mosquitos are a bitch and falling asleep can lead to falling out of your tree. Additionally, certain people don’t like you or by extension, your Tree.

Further, Board members become deeply annoyed at breakfast when their plans of destruction are delayed. They have money to make. Oh yes, and jobs. They will create jobs… Trees and Tree-Huggers get in the way of these important things. As a leader in innovation and democracy across the Flat world, we should have solutions for these problems. Problems like tree-huggers, environmentalists and generally upset citizens. Annoying members of the public slowing down social progress, job creation and forest destruction. These inconvenient citizens are domestic terrorists. Problem solved.

Jails will fill up again, new jobs get created and the Atlanta Public Safety Training Center breaks ground to offer valuable practice prior to shooting other annoying citizens. Oh, sorry. Domestic Terrorists. Silly mistake, the Earth is Flat. I keep forgetting! Journalists are as mettlesome as Tree-Huggers and scientists. Extremely annoying citizens interfering in the process of creating New Jobs. In a Flat World, New Jobs are the Holy Grail. Good Citizens should avoid terrifying their neighbours with conversations of trees, dried rivers or sinking cities. It’s not nice.

We require strong solutions to deal with these elevated levels of potential domestic terrorists. This is a Public Safety issue! Our safety is under threat. Damn Tree-Huggers! Hippies and conservationists- that’s what they are! Clean water-who needs it! Damn waste of resources, cleaning rivers. We need rare earth minerals instead. Re-education facilities could be a solution. They might address and solve these safety concerns. Round up all those potential terrorists. A “pre-safety” plan so to speak.

We would do a special Democratic version of course with more New Jobs created! We would never do anything resembling those nasty Russian or Chinese models. Our methods and processes will be safe. We will all be safe again.

Am I a terrorist now? According to the White House National Strategy For Countering Terrorism;“ domestic terrorism” is defined as: 1) “activities that involve acts dangerous to human life that are a violation of the criminal laws of the United States or of any State; 2) appear to be intended to intimidate or coerce a civilian population, to influence the policy of a government by intimidation or coercion, or 3) to affect the conduct of a government by mass destruction, assassination, or kidnapping; and occur primarily within the territorial jurisdiction of the United States.”

My status, like a DACA immigrant, remains murky. Yesterday, I did Stuff. The waiter brought my coffee cold, again. I verbally protested and was unable to harm any nearby trees or foliage. I didn’t leave a tip. Later, adding to my evil intent, I attended a local garden club meeting. We sought to influence the local government with dark suggestions of a tree planting in the public square. And flowers. We wanted some flowers too. Not content with this mayhem, I proceeded to dine with a neighbour and attempted to coerce them into joining the garden club. Further subversive activities included bird-watching. In a Flat world, I think I am Terrorist.

It's all as clear as mud. Especially to 27 year old Luke Harper and 42 other defendants arrested under domestic terrorism charges for opposing construction of the Atlanta Public Safety Training Center. No mention of rocks or free exercise. Guilty until proven innocent.

As civic minded citizens where and when do we fall into the dark vortex of becoming domestic terrorists? Is it when we protest or speak or read? Is it our religion, the colour of our skins, or our magazine subscriptions? Inexplicably, terrorism is no longer an invisible and distant enemy. It can be any one or all of us. Do babies qualify when they disturb the peace with a temper tantrum or throw their toys? Being a parent can be terrifying..

Theoretically, the right to protest is protected under the First Amendment. No mention of citizens becoming terrorists. Oddly, there are no references to citizens becoming domestic terrorists anywhere in the Constitution. In fact, the Forefathers even tossed in a Sixth Amendment to “keep us safe”. Currently, there is that fuzzy Federal legal definition of “domestic terrorism” quoted earlier. However, there are no actual Federal criminal laws expressly prohibiting it. It. Yet. The White House administration is busily working to rectify this foolish oversight and keep us safe.

The First Amendment text reads: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.” I read this as: “No rock throwing while petitioning. Keep off bridges and get plenty of free exercise. Be a good citizen”.

You might not like my interpretation but, I get to say it anyway. Amendments protect my right to have personal opinions however ridiculous you might think them. We don’t have to agree and can quibble over the Constitution as if our lives depend on it. Which, they do. It requires extraordinary effort to get past socialized propaganda and see a neighbour is not an “enemy or terrorist” defined through skin colour or beliefs. Alternatively, a politically charged legal system can be.

What the hell does any of this really mean? We are just common citizens, not SCOTUS. Who wants to break their brains trying to figure this mess out. Protestor or domestic terrorist? Let God sort them out. Not my problem. I gave up thinking, it gives me a headache. No time to waste. With escalating living costs we need New Jobs to add to the ones we are already working. Still, I am a little confused. Am I a terrorist? Are you? I planted trees. I love whales and I might be coercing people I talk to at the cafe. I don’t know! I objected to a mayoral suggestion for daisies instead of wild roses. I don’t know! Where is the line? Did we cross it? I don’t know!

In a Flat world, we could all be terrorists. Even the babies…

Am I Terrorist Now?